At some point, I will have spent more days on earth without my mom than with her here, present in my life. As of today, I have spent eight years without her here to celebrate important parts of my life, as well as to see me through the darkest days. The last eight years have flown by at a surprising rate of speed. Bailey and I have celebrated three graduations, eight birthdays, Christmases, and New Years without her.
This year she would have been 50 years old, but the 19th of January passed as just another day on my calendar. At this point, my daily life seems normal without her, which is a hard pill for me to swallow sometimes. It makes me realize how little she would know me now, but it also makes me realize how much I have grown as a person. Every day I am thankful for the 14 years that I spent with her because her fight taught me how to be a strong woman who stands up for herself, her friends, and her family. It is one of the biggest lessons I take from my mom. She was a warrior who was clothed in strength and always knew that she gave me strength to carry on. Her ten-year fight for life was the most influential part of my childhood. She managed to be a mom, a nurse, a sister, wife, and friend during her best and worse days. I am never outwardly religious, but there is a bible verse that says “Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
This verse is so significant because not only is the Lord with me in my times of doubt and need, but I feel as if my mom is too. Therefore, when the days are long, stressful, tiring, and give me a run for my money I know that there is something there to guide me.
Overall, the last 2,920 days have gone on without her, just as the days will continue to do. I am hopeful that she is smiling down on my brother, and me. I am still convinced she is my guiding light and will put me where I need to be when the opportunity is right. So, although these days have been exhausting, I have continued to live on and spread her spirit. She is my reason to live, fight, and wear pink.
P.S. let my mom be the reason all you women get a yearly exam!