Another year has passed

I feel like it was just yesterday that I raced you into Target from the car and laughed in your face because I was finally fast enough to beat you. You had a leg up on me until about age 13. Then, I could no longer blame a hole in the lawn, our lightening fast dog, Mika, or my rapidly growing feet for tripping me during the last steps of our races. Although, I would go back in a second to any of those tragic races where you would scoop me from the ground with scraped knees and tears in my eyes.

From the day you joined mom in heaven, I have learned to mend my own scrapes and bruises, and learned to dry my own tears, or laugh through them. But, sometimes I still think that having protector there would make life simpler. Bailey has stepped up and become one of the greatest young men, which is terribly hard for me to admit. He is my best friend still, and you would be proud to know we have outgrown our phase of bickering about what show to watch, fighting for the front seat, and wrestling over the last pair of clean soccer socks.

But, I think that without you, we have also learned to be distant from those we love, we have learned to bury feelings deeper, and learned to hold on to each other a little tighter. We have created our own language, one where we can pick up the phone and talk about anything in the world for hours on end and not mention what we are feeling, but the other knows. It is incredible because we always were told that we would grow up to be best friends, little did we know that there was no way around that.

I know that you are always looking over us, and shining your light as a guide to show us what is meant to be. Losing you was the most devastating part of my childhood, and without you, I learned to look to the Lord for solace. The Bible says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). And in my time of loss, I was comforted not only by God but by our family and friends as well. I am beyond blessed to have them, but I would give up anything to have you back, for a day, or month, or a year longer.